I can't close my eyes but to see you
floating
hair caught with ice,
anchored to this heart break like a star

My hands clamp shut silent pleas
of 'if only's'

I am brought
to this open hole of loss
like a comet from some unknown body.

To heave up the unforgivable—
that one day
my heart,
would still
all songs of charity.

Someone else, dear God,
someone else.

I crouch alone
bent low by disbelief

searching for you in photos
and stick figured cards
carefully signed

I sleep with your sweater
wrapped round my indigo grief

Oh, my little boy,
let me just see you,
hold you,
warm you,
in this rock songed culvert
where my cries
come back to me,
like the coal black crows,

stilled
on this soft bed of snow.